i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
