I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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