Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
