The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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