____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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