also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
