I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
