I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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