she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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