Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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