i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
