in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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