is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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