The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
