tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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