as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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