I don't think brook has ever known best
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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