Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
