official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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