i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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