I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
