Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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