its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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