oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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