Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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