I'm jealous of your bromance
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
