Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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