everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
there is glitter all over my balls
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize