when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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