Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
