Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
