FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
