Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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