There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
