I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I want a musical about memes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize