If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
