I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
