I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
