Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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