He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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