Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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