Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
