Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
