I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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