Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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