I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
