it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
