That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
