If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize