is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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