I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
