I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
