so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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