I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
