I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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