You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
