she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
