Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
