I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
