My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
soo... how was my night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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