fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
