she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
