this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
