my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
