I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
