I heard we made out
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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