Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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