i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
