Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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