my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
