I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
