I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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