woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
